By Lauren Winzar – Decluttering & Organising Coach
The topics of sentimental items and guilt regarding clutter comes up a lot in my work. So, when family heirlooms came up during a group coaching call recently, I was not surprised.
If this is a problem for you, here’s why:
- You are a very caring person
- Your family feels treasured by you
- Your home is a ‘safe’ place
(awwww that’s so nice!)
But also, ‘they’ do not want to deal with it
- Store
- Maintain
- Decide to get rid of it
- Answer for it’s loss
So… now you get that burden.
What can you do about it?
Step one: Understand that it does not have to be this way!
If you don’t WANT this role, don’t ACCEPT IT!
Step two: Training. Both for you and your family.
Select an item for consideration.
What does it mean to you? How does it make you feel? Does it light you up or fill you with resentment? If you love it, keep it, if you don’t… don’t.
If you decide you don’t want it, it has to go.
If possible, contact the person who owned it before you and tell them that you don’t have a place for it anymore and ask if they would like it back because otherwise you will donate/sell it.
If the previous owner is not an option, contact other family members, a group email is fine. Tell them that you don’t have a place for this, and you’d like to give them the option to take it before you donate/sell it.
*if anyone gives you grief for this that is only a reflection of their own guilt*
If they don’t want it why should you? If they do want it, great!
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE CUSTODIAN OF YOUR FAMILY HEIRLOOMS IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEM
Read that again.
This process will help you recognise what is actually important to you as well as show your family that you are no longer available to appease their guilt.
This does not mean you don’t love them or appreciate your shared history – tell them about the ways you continue to honour them (photos, memories, things you did keep and continue to love).
Step three: Prepare for incoming!!!
Before accepting any memorabilia again, really consider where it belongs in your home. Will you love it, do you actually want it?
If you do not want it, do not accept it. “Thank you, but no.”
Be kind. But do not accept things that you do not want.
(Picture courtesy Pinterest)
Nanna might be sad that nobody wants her collection of vintage teaspoons. Maybe you can offer to help her sell them to someone who will appreciate them? Either way, her momentary realisation that her collection will not live forever in you is not worth your lifetime of guilt and resentment.
Let me say it again…
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE CUSTODIAN OF YOUR FAMILY HEIRLOOMS IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEM
When you only have what you love, you’ll have more room to appreciate it.
